Friday, November 20, 2015

Before marriage

I would like to share about something in this post. It is about someone, which I have known her for a couple of years. She, which I will name her with ‘X’ afterwards, is someone who dreamed so hard about marriage. X has a boyfriend, which I will name him with ‘Y’ afterwards. They have been in a relationship for about 3 years or so. Their story about how excited they are in marriage gives me something to ponder about. I am quite thankful for them, as I can get lessons from their story too.

Y was a diploma student. Y gave up his study because of some reasons that need not to be mentioned here. Then, he decided to work in company, which pays good enough for someone who only have SPM as highest level of education. Y also owns a small business to add on in his pocket. Y is very hot-tempered, too egoistic and he is someone who did not perform 5 times of Solat. X have reminded him about it several times but he often neglects it and did not bother much about it.

X is a degree student. Still studying. Joined the small business with Y to help him along with a few friends. X is someone who is patient and a very loving person, which suits Y the best for his temper. X is very short-minded, not really independent, not really matured and also, did not perform the 5 times of Solat. X do pray sometimes, only when she was reminded OR only when she is with her friends. X rarely pray before anyone reminds her, and most of time, X lied about her prayers (she said she have perform prayer but she actually didn’t).

As you can see, both of them are not perfect, and none of us are perfect either. However, they complete each other in some cases. X is someone who gives good advises and support Y whenever he needs it and Y is someone whom X can rely to. I adore them. I adore how they are never sick of each other, but the part where both of them did not put Allah first, bothers me A LOT. 

They both have plans to get married by next year. Y have already start searching for rent house for him and X to stay after they get married. But, X did not have any plans. X only dreams and wonders about how their wedding would be, google-ing and searching about the best wedding dress, about the prettiest henna art, about the catering and foods, about the theme color of their wedding and so much more! 

X can cook. I acknowledge that because I have tasted it before. X can do house chores too. But the problem is, X is soooooo lazy. X has a habit of throwing her things right after she reaches home. It is even hard to see X held a broom or a sweeper for once in month. X only sweeps dirt around her place for once or twice in 6 months. X washes her clothes only in self-service laundry shop, and she never washed anything with her own hand. Her plates and dishes are washed by her friends or housemates most of the time. X never bothered about entering the kitchen. X never once clean up the toilet in her rent house. Her bed is messy for the whole day. Her wet towel is almost everywhere in the house, not hanged up, but tossed on anywhere she liked. X is someone who is soooo ignorant about hygiene and although she is capable of doing house chores, she always refused to do so. Because she’s a damn one lazy girl.

With this kind of attitude and personality, did X really deserved getting married? X neglects her responsibilities with her religion. X did not have a good relationship with her parents because she was raised by her grandparents since she was small. While Y is working hard and preparing for their marriage, X seems to overlook what she needs to do and keep on dreaming about the beauty of a wedding. X seems to not think about a family which she will build one day. X seems to not think about children she will bear one day. 

Well, basically, X never thinks. 

I pity Y somehow. I pity how Y will cope with X’s attitude after they got married one day. Y’s salary is more than enough for himself but is it enough for a family? X is still studying, and of course she cannot afford to pay most of bills in the house. And what if they got a son? Or a daughter? 

You see, both of them did not really think far with this relationship. And yes, they should get married as soon as they can because it is a sin for coupling. The longer they restrain their relationship, the more sins they have to bear. And they have been together for 3 years now, and that is long enough I suppose.

But marriage is not the only solution for them to stop committing sins. There are 2 solutions for this matter;

1)Get married as soon as possible. Think about money or how to manage a family LATER. X will stay lazy as she is and Y still have to work hard to support the family.

2) Slow down with your relationship. Focus on what you are supposed to do. For example, X should be focusing in finishing her degree while Y should be focusing in  his work. And then, REPENT. Go back to Allah. Find Him. Find His blessings, His  forgiveness. Ask Him for guidance to build a family which will serves Him. X can have times for herself to change. X can learn a lot before having her own family. X can graduate and have her own job, to support her family too. Y can have more savings if he works hard.

It is up to them to decide which one’s the best solution. 

Your choice defines who you really are. 

I hope, by sharing this story would somehow open up your mind about marriage and give you thoughts about it too. There are so many things that need to be considered before stepping into the next phase of your life, before having your own family. Don’t take things too easy. Think far, and think wisely. 

And lastly, I pray and hoped that any of you who have read this, may Allah grant happiness and blessing to your life, may Allah grant you the best partner in your lifetime and may Allah forgive your sins, your family (or your own family soon). 

Aamiin Ya Rabb.

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